


The Puff Agenda

by KrysKrossZee



Series: Pet Project [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack and Angst, Gen, Harry Potter Next Generation, Not Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Compliant, Original Character(s), POV Male Character, POV Third Person, Prank Wars, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:54:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23559427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrysKrossZee/pseuds/KrysKrossZee
Summary: The Secret War of the Puff and the Claw is something that's been going on for as long as Louis Weasley had been at school. The Ravenclaws liked to believe that they were winning, but that just was not the case, especially not when Louis comes across a banned book...
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Series: Pet Project [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1663804
Comments: 10
Kudos: 10
Collections: Cards Against Muggles Crack Fest





	The Puff Agenda

**Author's Note:**

> Part of the Pet Project series, this story is believe it or not, one of the ones on the lighter side for Louis Weasley.
> 
> Some of you may question 'Where is Dominique? Why do you only mention Louis having one sister?' but in this series, Dominique is a squib, so never went to Hogwarts, and she actually passed away a year before this story is set.
> 
> This story is part of the Cards Against Muggles Crack Fest (and it is over a week late, whoops). My prompt was:
> 
> Black Card: Dolores Umbridge has banned _________  
> White Card: the hufflepuff agenda.
> 
> I had a lot of fun writing this one. Thank you to everyone at Hermione's Nook for helping me to come up with all the pranks, to SethWren for letting me borrow eir characters, and adavision for betaing for me!

Somehow Louis had managed to sneak away from his friends without anyone noticing. They were all drinking, as per usual, so it actually wasn’t all that surprising that he’d gotten away so easily. Alice and Lysander were shitfaced to the point where it wouldn’t surprise Louis if they started making out with each other and Ji… Well, Ji was doing what he always did and was currently fawning over Baileigh. It hadn’t taken much for Louis to slip into the background. He was having a ‘no talking’ day anyway so it wasn’t as if anyone would miss his conversation.

He made his way to the kitchen. Firewhiskey always made him hungry and he couldn’t actually remember when he had last eaten. Alice had accidentally sat on the croissant he took from breakfast during their potions class. He’d skipped lunch, deciding that was for the best when he’d seen just how packed the Great Hall was. He’d only been back at Hogwarts for a couple of months and although he knew he was doing better, he still couldn’t eat when there were a lot of people around.

The kitchen elves were good to him, they seemed to understand him better than most people, including his best friends at times. They made him meals when he turned up and often left snacks for him in his dorm. He knew that the teachers, and a lot of the other students, knew what he’d been through, but he liked to believe that the elves fed him up to be kind.

Today was no different as he sat atop a barrel with a bowl of chicken noodle soup. It certainly hit the spot and made him feel a bit more sober as he slurped it down, not even once considering how much of a slob he had to look just then.

When he’d finished, he went to go find Fender, a house elf who often liked a game of exploding snap before bed.

“Fancy a game?” Lou asked, his voice cracking in the way it always did on the days he didn’t exercise it.

“Not tonight, sir.” Fender shook his head as he turned to face Louis, “But Fender found something that belongs to Mr Weasley.”

Louis frowned slightly as he watched the house elf move around the large kitchen to grab a yellow, leatherbound book. “Um,” was all he managed to say though as Fender shoved the book into his hands

“Open it. Fender did. Book says it belongs to Weasley.” The house elf was insistent and although Louis was all too aware that there were at least two dozen Weasleys that this book could have belonged to, he decided not to argue.

Instead, he just mumbled a ‘thanks’ and turned the book over in his hands. He’d never seen it before and as far as he was aware it didn’t belong to his sister or his dad. He hummed to himself and flicked through the pages, but they all appeared to be blank. He looked up to ask Fender a question, but the house elf had already disappeared.

He rolled his eyes and headed out of the kitchen. His bed was calling his name and that was all that he needed to know. He practically collapsed onto his mattress, not even caring that neither Ji nor Lysander were back from game night or that he’d woken up their other roommate. He shoved the book under his pillow, not really understanding why he’d been given a journal in the first place. He didn’t write - that wasn’t his thing. When he wanted to get his feelings out, he usually resorted to drawing comics about them.

Louis had mostly forgotten about the book by the end of the next day. Wednesday classes meant that he had to put up with hungover friends and while he knew that this was their way of coping with their own shit, he really hated that they did this every week without fail.

The upside of them being hungover was that they didn’t want to go drinking that night and enjoyed hanging out in their dorm instead. It did, of course, mean that they ended up pissing off their other roommate who got pretty much forced out every week like clockwork.

This particular Wednesday night, they were all hanging out on Louis’ bed. He supposed he didn’t mind that much. He was sitting with his back against his pillows, sketching away in his pad while Ji lay sprawled sideways across the bed with his head on Louis’ legs, and Lysander sat on the end painting Alice’s nails.

“Can you believe those Claws?” Alice asked, breaking the comfortable silence that Louis had been enjoying. She got his attention though. The Ravenclaws had started some sort of crazed prank war against them during his first year. He hated to admit it but coming up with ways in which to get them back got him through some pretty dark times.

“What do you mean?” Ji hummed lazily, his eyes still closed.

“Didn’t you hear? If you say a certain word, a certain fruit of the name falls on top of you.” Lysander explained, rolling his eyes. “Seriously, their pranks are getting so tedious.”

“They got you good though,” Alice pointed out, laughing despite her clear annoyance that the Claws had managed to get any of them.

“I eat the same thing every morning! They knew where to hurt me.” Lysander pouted before flopping backwards on the bed. “We’ve got to get them back. You realise that, right? I cannot have my breakfast attacked.”

“So we attack their breakfast.” Ji shrugged as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“With what? I’m not poisoning anyone. My dad would actually expel me for that one.” Alice pointed out.

Louis hummed as he tried to think of how they could try to prank their nemeses back, but he didn’t really have anything. Ji was generally the brains behind all of that, though no-one ever suspected that. Everyone always thought that it was Alice, just because she was the one that carried everything out. It bugged Louis that she saw herself as untouchable. No-one was.

“Lou. I don’t mean to alarm you, but why is your pillow glowing?” Ji asked, his eyes now open and fixed on the pillow in question.

Louis frowned as he glanced at the pillow before he reached under it and pulled the book out. He held it up for the others to see. 

Alice reached out and practically snatched it from him. She hummed to herself as she leafed through the pages before she stopped and cleared her throat. "Hi Diary," she read, a smirk on her lips, "My name's Louis. I'm a Taurus. I love apples and my o- ow!" Alice only stopped when Louis gave her a swift kick.

"She's bullshitting. The pages are blank. Fender gave it to me." He told them as he reached out to take the book back. "He seemed to think it belongs to me." He flicked through the pages before frowning as some words caught his eye. He stopped turning the pages and opened the book.

"That doesn't look blank to me." Ji pointed out as he sat up and leaned against the pillows beside him. "What… What's that?"

Louis shrugged slightly as he read the words before handing the book over to him.

"Genius. It's genius." Ji muttered to himself before he looked over at Lysander and Alice. "We have our prank." He said as he turned the book around and Louis read the words 'Music Muffins'. "Breakfast for our dear friends."

It didn't take long for Ji to perfect the recipe for the muffins. He worked all night in the kitchens with the help of the overeager house elves. Louis had started off helping too but when he'd yawned he'd been sent to bed by Tally and Fender. The elves had offered to be Ji's guinea pigs, in fact they had insisted.

Louis had left them to it. He wasn't much use anyway, but at least he had good intentions whereas Alice and Lysander had fallen asleep in his bed. They were still there when he returned so he resolved to sleep on Ji’s bed instead, but not before covering Alice and Lysander over with a blanket. He didn’t always show it, but he did love them with all his heart.

Louis slept all night through, something he generally only did in Ji’s bed, but that wasn’t something that he could admit to anyone so he just swept it under the rug. That was the easiest way to deal with things. Ji didn’t return until the morning anyway, so it wasn’t as if he needed his bed anyway.

“I’ve done it!” Ji’s yelling woke Louis up, and resulted in the boy getting a pillow thrown at his face by Alice, who really wasn’t a morning person in the first place. “Look - watch this!” Ji continued after throwing the pillow back at her.

Behind Ji, stood Tally, looking half-asleep, but clearly over the moon to be part of whatever they were planning next. The house elf opened her mouth when Ji nodded to her and the most obnoxious Christmas song rang out around the room.

“I seriously hate you guys.” Their fourth roommate groaned before rolling out of his bed and grabbing his clothes.

Louis felt for the guy. Having them to live with - and then adding in Alice - wasn’t easy, but what the dude didn’t realise was that this was important, almost as important as life and death to Louis.

“That is genius.” Lysander grinned as Tally shut her mouth and stopped the music. “You’re a genius, JiJi. I can’t believe you figured it out!”

Ji just grinned at them. “Ready to test them out?” He asked as he held up a paper bag which Louis could only assume held a batch of freshly baked muffins.

The Music Muffins were a hit. Louis had used his pull with the house elves to get them to slip the muffins onto the Ravenclaw table where their unsuspecting rivals were sat. The Puffs sat quietly, trying not to watch, but listening out to see if their plan had worked. Fortunately it didn’t look too suspicious that they were lingering because Louis often took a while to eat.

And then it happened. The lyrics to ‘Red Solo Cup’ suddenly rang out around the Great Hall. The obnoxious tune was coming from the Ravenclaw table and Louis couldn’t help but grin. This definitely beat their bananas trick.

They laughed with the rest of the students but Louis knew that the Ravenclaws would know it was them. They always knew who got them. This was confirmed when Enzo appeared in front of him, glaring at him in a way that only made Louis grin. They deserved whatever they got as far as he was concerned.

“We’ll get you back,” he promised with a nod but Louis’ eyes were directed to his cousin Rose who currently had both of her hands clamped over her mouth. Of course Enzo hadn’t been affected, but then the house elves couldn’t guarantee who would eat the muffins once they were on the table. They’d been lucky in that two of their intended victims had eaten them in the first place.

“Well, now you’ve eliminated the element of surprise.” Lysander pointed out with a laugh. “Good luck getting us back now.”

Louis watched as Enzo laughed and then rolled his eyes before walking off, leaving the Puffs to erupt with laughter.

“Okay. We gotta know where this thing came from.” Alice hummed as she picked up the book once the four of them were back in the dorm that evening. “Why are all the pages blank?” She frowned before she held the book up. “And why the hell does it say my name?!”

“What do you mean?” Louis frowned as he reached for the book. When he’d looked yesterday, it had only said his name inside. Well, his last name. He took the book from Alice though and sure enough inside the cover it said ‘Weasley, Longbottom, Scamander, and Dursley’. “It’s all our names… Those weren’t there before.”

“Neither was the Music Muffins idea.” Lysander pointed out as he took the book from Louis. “Maybe this is a Room of Requirement type deal?”

“That would make sense.” Ji nodded. “Especially as no other Dursleys have ever been to this school before. Book - what are you?” The boy asked, as if the book was going to answer them.

It did in a way though. The book started to glow and Lysander dropped it onto the bed with a yelp. “What’s it doing?”

“Telling us what it is?” Alice suggested as she picked it up again, opening it to the first page again. “Look, our names are gone.”

“Possessed books are not good for my family…” Louis hummed as he pushed Alice and the book away from him, though he did want to know what it said now so he craned his neck slightly to read ‘The Hufflepuff Agenda, as banned by Dolores Umbridge’. He frowned slightly. That name rang more than a few bells for reasons that he really didn’t want to remember just then.

“Okay, that is gold.” Alice laughed before she reached for her coffee cup that was on the floor, taking a sip before a frown took over her face.

“You alright, Alicat?” Lysander asked, looking to the book for answers, but the words hadn’t changed.

Alice opened her mouth to answer him, but all that came out was gibberish, or at least it sounded like gibberish to Louis.

“Oh for the love of Flobberworms.” Ji groaned as he lifted up Alice’s coffee cup and sniffed the contents.

“Great, so first my bananas get attacked and now Alice’s coffee? Are they aware that’s her life source?” Lysander groaned.

“That’s why they went for it.” Ji pointed out after Alice had tried to answer them. “What language is she even speaking?”

Louis shrugged. “No idea, but this is war.” He said quietly, though his tone was cold, as if they hadn’t been in a war for the last four years. He grabbed the book from Alice and flicked through it, hoping that the Puff Agenda would have the answers that they needed.

“Got our present then?” Rose grinned, the Music Muffin having worn off by the time breakfast rolled around the next day. Unfortunately whatever the Claws had done to Alice’s coffee, had not worn off yet.

The brunette Hufflepuff looked about ready to bite Rose’s head off and Louis was sure that whatever she said backed that up - unless she was just so angry that she was actually just speaking gibberish now.

“Oh, sounds like it might have worked then.” Rose laughed, a smug grin on her face.

“Might have?” Lysander asked, a frown fixed on his own face. “What’s that meant to mean?”  
“I don’t speak Aramaic.” Rose answered with a shrug.

“For research sake, what did you use?” Louis heard Ji ask, he knew that the boy couldn’t help it, but he honestly wished that he would not engage with the enemy, even if the enemy was his actual family.

“Aramaic Coffee.” Enzo answered as he appeared next to Rose.

Ji nodded slowly. “Right. Clever.” He hummed to himself before he turned back to the table.

Louis followed his lead. Any moment now, the Claws would get their comeuppance and he wanted to be there when they did.

“Rose Granger-Weasley, Enzo Pellegrini, and Deon Blackburn. What did you do to all the doors?” Professor Longbottom’s voice practically echoed around the Great Hall.

Louis couldn’t help but smirk to himself. The book’s latest suggestion had been to make all the doors in the castle be like the Ravenclaw common room door, which had the bonus of throwing the Ravenclaws under the Knight bus, so to speak. No-one beat the Puffs.


End file.
